Is Marriage Really Scary? An SOS Call
This thought has been on my mind for so long. Sure, it’s no news; people talk about it; I’ve seen some myself, so the talk about failed or failing marriages is not so new. What’s new to me however, is the fact that marriages that are just 2, 3 months are failing. It just so sad; and the truth? It scares me, really.
Someone shared with me a sad story recently, about a couple who got married barely 3 months ago and are on verge of breaking up. According to the story, they are having serious issues that the wife threatened to poison the husband if the marriage isn’t dissolved. Though, I didn’t hear the end of the story; but I hope and pray they won’t separate. I find it hard to believe that people who once professed love to themselves suddenly come to hate themselves…. Hmmm, thin line it is indeed between hate and love.
It then makes me wonder…if those that dated for so long – 2, 3, 5, even 10 years – could have problems; what do we make of those that dated for months – 3, 6, 9 months; those that were match-made; those that met online (**wink wink** if that really works); and so on?
Chaz B, radio personality, during one of his ‘Sharing Live Issues’ programmes asked married couples to call in and describe what love is… So many definitions came up that day; but two particular callers (ladies) caught my attention; the first one said “my husband is everything love is; he’s caring; god-fearing…blah, blah, blah. Then Chaz B asked, ‘how long have you been married’; she replied ‘3 months’; then Chaz B replied… ‘Let’s hope you’ll still say the same thing about him after 1 year’.
The second lady said ‘My husband is love because I don’t know how to explain how he can marry me knowing full well that I am HIV positive and he is negative; and 10 years down the line, he still has not changed…loves and adores me…’ Touching! 2 different worlds!
Also, during another of his programmes, he asked couples if they have ever contemplated leaving their marriages, and guess what? 90% of the callers that day answered in affirmative. Some have even left; many talked about their horrible experiences and much more… I can’t begin to type them here, but things are happening.
Recently reading TWFT and came across the article below. I believe it should help a bit. However, I will appreciate it if married couples can share their experiences so that youths, would-bes (like us) and newly weds can learn. Have you ever contemplated walking out of your marriage? If yes, what happened and how did you deal with the situation? You can post it on my blog – http://bukolaajayi.blogspot.com - (comment area) so you can remain anonymous or send to my box – bukolaajayi18@gmail.com. It is an SOS call especially to couples that are having hard times. Remember, counselling helps, prayer helps, people's experiences too have a part to play. Your stories will be edited and tweaked so as not to reflect the writer. Thanks.
>>> 2 Lessons about Marriage
"There may be times you'll feel like giving up…but I want you to hang in there!"
Lesson One
Deborah K. Johnson writes: 'My seven-year-old daughter wanted to take violin lessons, so I took her to a music store to rent an instrument. Hoping she would understand the importance of making a commitment to practice, I explained that lessons were expensive. I was willing to make the financial sacrifice if she promised to work hard. "There may be times you'll feel like giving up," I said, "but I want you to hang in there!" She nodded, understanding, then in her most serious voice she said, "It will be just like marriage, right, Mom?''
Lesson Two
A husband asked his wife, 'Tell me, dear, have you ever been in love before?' She thought for a moment and replied, 'No, darling. I once respected a man for his great intelligence. I admired another one for his remarkable courage. And I was captivated by yet another for his good looks and charm. But with you, well, how else could I explain it, except love?' Have you been finding fault with your mate instead of remembering the qualities that attracted you to them? Attitudes are like weeds, they spring up overnight and if you don't deal with them they take over the whole garden. Don't let that happen!
Next time you're too busy to show love, or you react in anger, read these words: 'Love is patient and kind. Love... does not demand its own way. It is not irritable, and it keeps no record of being wronged... Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance' (1 Corinthians 13:4-7 NLT).
Men will always have attitudes that irritate women. Do most of them ever listen? There will always be a loophole where a guy is lacking to his woman.
ReplyDeleteIn her case, she wanted to leave her marriage because the guy has this nonchalant attitude towards things. He had no job then, she was trying to get the kids to a decent private school, use all her money to feed, maintain, and support her home. She had no savings. She later found out that when the guy gets little money from some business, he hides it. the crazy thing is, he hides it in his shoes. How annoying that can be. She was so frustrated, but i guess that is marriage. That is from a woman's point of view.
From the man side, i will add my experience. I am a strong, independent lady. I see myself as not needing a man to get to where i am going. I wait for no man. My focus is on God. I always tell myself only God can provide for me. I am so independent that it irritates many men. This makes my boyfriend angry. he feels i am so self centered, so selfish and no traces of humility.. I understand that and i try to change but when we fight....... Hooo my God, my weakness wears me, and i feel i don't need him to do what i need to do. My question is how long can he take this. will he not wake up one day and say " I am tired of your selfish attitude."?
My point is we are all different; we all have bad attitudes that turns people off. We tend to notice the good attitude initially, but because characters are like flames one cannot hide for so long. We need to know that our partners may have something we don't like. That doesn't mean we will leave him. Our siblings do things that annoy us, do we reject them for that? Our parent sometimes make us want to run away from home, does that mean we will abandon them?
Marriage is more that sex and having children. It is about growing together, understand one another, respecting each other, seeing beyond the weakness and hoping for a better and brighter day. Christ love us regardless of our faults; we should love most especially our partner regardless.
To the women, i will say hang in there, you will see the joy in taking wisdom from God. To the men, i guess you just need to understand her better.
Ok Ajayi you happy now?
I just discovered your blog today. Great Post! I have to say that if you go into marriage already giving yourself the option of leaving if things go wrong; you`re already half way out the door.
ReplyDelete@ In the midst of her...I'm grateful you stopped by.
ReplyDeleteJust check your blog now, and I'm loving it. I'm connecting right away.
Cheers
**checked**
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